My Money Story...

As a kid, I was often told, when I wanted something, "we can't afford it." Money was something other people had, and I didn't. I unconsciously decided to make do. I unconsciously decided a lot of things.

During my schooling years, my parents wanted me to focus on doing well in school. I didn't need to focus on doing well in school. I was bored and scared in school because the work was easy and there was bullying. I baby sat and I did chores at home to have money. I used the unconscious anger from my boredom to buy things I wanted that my parents didn't want to buy for me: clothes (I got them from thrift shops), junk food, and then other foods that were not junk, magazines, and I went to and rented movies.

My parents were both teachers and took me and my brothers travelling a lot when we were kids. On small budgets! I am glad about this because it showed me it was possible to experience a lot of abundance with a low budget.

Later in life, I travelled and explored alone and did not need lots of money to do it.

My parents matched the high school scholarships I won , dollar for dollar. It was enough to travel after high school graduation for 6 months, only pausing to do some cash jobs which were super fun.

When I got back, my first paid job was serving tables. Next I worked as a staff member at a kids wilderness camp. I only wanted to do jobs I loved. I only ever found jobs I liked. I went tree planting, and for a while I worked for free to become a paid model. I got a contract to do modelling in Japan, but by then I was already sickened by my agent's obsession with the ways my body wasn't perfect; I was eating only two small meals a day, not to stay skinny, but because I was making do. I turned down modelling in Japan and went back to tree planting.

Then, by accident, I got the most important job in the world. The one that some people spend thousands of dollars and go through heaps of trouble to have. It's a demanding job, because you don't get holidays, breaks or pay. In fact if you want any time off it is up to you to find and probably pay someone else to do your job for you. Unless you happen to land the job alongside a staunch Patriarch, in a solid Partiarchal family, which I didn't.

This job is called Motherhood.

Motherhood was my favourite job in the world. I devoted myself to my children growing and maintaining full expressions of themselves. I learned about how nature designed humans, and was wary to interfere with Her design. I became more at odds with modern culture; I home-birthed, fed by breast, discovered the world alongside my children on beaches and river trails, in gardens and campgrounds. I relied more and more on Archetypal Forces, without knowing how to unblock myself from allowing them to work through me. I froze and fought when my childrens dads grappled with how to be men, fathers, and providers, and often took out their frustrations on themselves, me and the children.

After 10 years of single motherhood, and 11 years of married motherhood, I bent under the pressure to do it all as a mother: the being with, the patience, the space holding, the grocery shopping, the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry, the accounting, the driving, the nursing, the social training, the emotional support, the homework enforcement, the house looking good, the proper exercise regimes, the after school activities, the pleasing, supporting and managing and defending myself against the husband who wanted me to GO AND WORK. To earn money.

Done with fighting and freezing, I fled. I lost my marriage, my home and,

in an everyday way, my children.

I thought it was because I didn't know how to make money and be the mother I wanted to be at the same time. I broke down.

I have been rebuilding my life ever since.

In retrospect, I see that when I came of age, the Authentic Adult Initiations I instinctively knew were due to happen did not, and parts of me remained in a child ego state, in scarcity, giving away my center, my Authority. Becoming a Mother on the edge of modern culture, still in Patriarchy, without a village, gave me a lot of practice being resourceful and self-reliant but living in the scarcity story cost me almost everything.

Through my deep longing for something radically different, I became a village weaver, a community house originator, a space holder for people having hard times, all for no or low pay. I couldn't seem to shift my patterns around money.

This changed profoundly when I encountered Possibility Management, full of distinctions, tools, thoughtmaps and processes for evolving consciousness and creating Gaian Gameworlds.

Emotional Healing Processes, Initiations and thoughtware upgrades started to happen, and I shifted from "making do," to CREATION.

Becoming Money became a terrifying and extraordinary adventure that I wanted to share, so I created Money Club. And here we are.